Dear Meg

Do I need to talk to my former partner to heal better?


It’s good that you wish to reflect on what happened, but I believe this is something you can do later, when emotions are not high, and even on your own, when you’re in a calmer place.

Dear Meg

Dear readers,

Happy Sunday!

This post makes references to cheating/betrayal. I humbly appeal for tact and discretion when sharing (I hope no one gets tagged for fun/out of spite ??), to help foster a healing environment for all.

I also made the decision to post only my summary of the longer letter, so that the focus would be on the response, and there’s less trigger for people who’ve been through the same. I hope you understand.

Thank you so much.

?,
Meg

Dear Meg,

My partner cheated, and I have decided to move on. Days ago they messaged, saying I should let them know if I want to talk. It left me very angry and upset.

On the one hand, I would like to understand what happened. From the outside it seems that they just threw away this relationship. But I think they were also shocked and don’t know what to do.

Does it make the healing process any better if they tell me this? On the other hand, I make myself dependent on their point of view. Do I need this talk?

J

Dear J,

My thoughts are with you, and I hope you’re surrounded by loved ones in this difficult time. I send light and warmth from where I am.

Reading your letter, I was reminded of conversations I’ve had with family and friends about a similar situation. I borrow some of their words in my response.

First, I want to say you’re a very strong person, despite how you may feel now. I imagine it was deeply painful to let go, but you made your decision and are determined to face its consequence.

Moreso, it takes character to try to see where the other person is coming from, even when they’ve hurt you. I have faith in this strength, and I trust that you can get through this without having to engage them again, because all the truth that you need, all the truth that matters, is already with you: that you’re on a different path now.

I believe you have the heart to feel this pain, and to live with it, and with not knowing all the answers to questions, at least for now, and from your former partner. You already have the most important one, in any case, which is that you deserve better.

It’s always hard to be the bigger person, someone who will forgive, someone who will not speak unkindly, someone who would not want to see even the person at fault suffer. But I know you can do it.

Perhaps writing a letter will help, but I suggest the following parameters: write only when you’re no longer angry. Write mostly for yourself, meaning there should be nothing in it that will call for a response. Write mostly to be kind: to tell them that you forgive them, but that for you, this chapter’s over. I think that would solve the part where they might try to contact you still.

If ever you need reminding, what they did doesn’t matter and is not a statement on who you are. It’s good that you wish to reflect on what happened, but I believe this is something you can do later, when emotions are not high, and even on your own, when you’re in a calmer place.

In the meantime, I hope you honor yourself, and this new, exciting journey you’ll be taking. Please don’t let this experience make you forget that you’re cherished by those around you. That you are enough, and worthy of unconditional, unwavering love.

J, so much is still ahead of you, and many other amazing people will come into your life. You might lose some along the way, but from another standpoint, you’re now free and have more time to find the ones who are meant to stay. You can also very well take this opportunity to get to know yourself in this stage of your life. And my hope is that you’ll fall in love with it and if not, that it will inspire you to take the steps to bring out your best version yet – someone you’d be delighted to hang with, take out to dinner, and spend the rest of your life with.

My more practical advice is to create plans around things you can do to get you out of your head. Activities that will keep you moving so that you don’t end up thinking about this, and instead be reminded of how much fun you can still have, in the new life you’re building.

Reconnect with friends and family, or explore a new hobby. Know that even amid the pain, you can still experience life’s joy and beauty. And always remember: better days are coming.

Wishing you comfort, peace, and healing,
Meg